Cocktails

G’day guys. Malt Liquor Mitch here. I’ve had a fair few queries in the short life of this site about whether or not I would ever post an article on mixed drinks. Eventually I did always intend to write one, but what finally happened to make the article come about was I won a contest over Facebook with the good people at Barware.com.au. And received a shiny new comprehensive set of copper cocktail tools. Something I am very appreciative of. And what better way, for my new weapons of choice to cut their teeth than to make some delicious, fun, and potent drinks. So I posted polls on Facebook on Instagram a while back on whether you guys wanted this article and the majority said aye. So I thought I’d take the time to write up a cocktail article. The following are some of my favorite drinks recipes I have drank over the years in pubs, bars, hotels and made for myself at home, as well as one or two I made myself. I’m normally a straight-sipping bloke that likes his whiskey one on one with only the ice to alter the taste. But like a good retailer, I believe in giving the people what they want. So here’s a nice big juicy list of cocktails in ascending order of difficulty to create. I went for some less complex drinks first, if this one is successful I can always make another



But first, some basic tools

While those of you in the higher salary bracket can go online and purchase for yourselves a complete cocktail utensil set, in either humble stainless steel or some impressive copper sets, you needn’t buy a comprehensive fleet of tools right off the bat. So here are the essentials.

Speed pourer

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While these may not be one hundred and ten per cent mandatory, they do make life easier pouring drinks to any level of accurate measurement. Especially if you’ve already had a few and you wish your kitchen counter not to be as soaked as much as your liver. Put simply, speed pourers or spirits pourers are metal or plastic tubes with an air pocket inside for seamless pouring without any of that inconsistent, annoying glugging that creates mess, with some sort of seal, rubber, cork or plastic cork. Some professional bar pourers come purchasable with bug caps and measurers fitted on.

Cocktail jigger

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A cocktail jigger is simply, a small measurer, usually stainless steel that measures spirits. In most cases, these are measured in either a half shot (fifteen millilitres) and a full shot (thirty millilitres). Or one shot and two shots (sixty millilitres).

Cocktail shaker

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Though there are two main varieties of cocktail shakers, I favor the main three-piece variety of shaker, over the Boston shaker. I’ve even seen an acrylic clear shaker that came with the measurements of cocktail recipes written on the side. As with the Boston shaker, I always end up wearing my drink, rather than drinking it. Which is not pleasant in itself, not to mention you do afford your friends many laughs at your expense. And I’m not keen on wringing my drink out of my shirt. Though this being said, I have seen barmen on occasions use these successfully, so apparently there is some method by which this is done without it ending with a lot of paper towels and Spray & Wipe.

Lewis bag

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A simple canvas bag, that when used in addition with a clean meat tenderizer, ice cream scoop, hammer, mallet or anything with some sort of blunt force to it, creates crushed ice without needing to stoop to an expensive ice crushing machine.

Strainer

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Strainers used in mixing drinks fall into either the category of Hawthorne strainers (pictured left) for straining ice in a pitcher, or general purpose food grade strainers for straining juice pulp or any other unwanted matter from a shaker. Though most shakers nowadays have a strainer built in, they are more broad and convenient to those only needing to strain ice. And another strainer is sometimes required in addition to strain finer matter, a practice known simply as double-straining.

Glass rimmer

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This is only required for making drinks with sugar or salt on the rim of the glass. This in essence is a form of garnish so is therefore not completely mandatory. Though should you choose to go that way and impress your friends with your professionally-appearing salted rim Margaritas, or you just want the full experience. It does make life easier than the household method used in the absence of this using a plate or a bowl
These are all useful basic tools for mixing drinks, there are very few drinks you can’t make using these tools. All acquirable through places like www.danmurphys.com.au, www.robinskitchen.com.au, www.harrisscarfe.com.au, www.barware.com.au and other similar kitchenware or alcohol-related stores




Whiskey and Coke

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I only bother to include this one for the sake of creating just a little bit more awareness on the proper method of creating it. Information I’d have appreciated in the last two years of being a teenager. This is literally the most basic mixed drink you can make, as evidenced by the way it comes readily available from many labels premixed. While I say “whiskey and Coke” this drink can be mixed with basically all hard liquor. Replacing whiskey with rum creates you a Cuba Libre, using tequila makes a Mexicola. While you’d be fine just buying a slab of premix from your local drive-through, mixing them yourself does afford you the opportunity to tune the drink to your liking. Adding dashes of lemon juice, lime or whathaveyou, and use any of those yummier lesser-known brands of cola. A very tall or large glass can fit two shots of liquor mixed with Coke without blowing your brains out.
You will need: Whiskey and any brand of cola

  • Take a shot of whiskey (or whathaveyou) and add to a tumbler glass
  • Top with cola



Screwdriver

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As it turns out, Basil Fawlty was wrong, you can drink a screwdriver. As I’ve found out on one occasion, a bit too easily in fact. This cocktail has appeared in literature as early as nineteen-thirty-eight. While somebody has been bothered to give this drink a proper name, instead of simply naming it what’s on the tin, the drink itself is extremely simple. There being only two ingredients.
You will need: Vodka and orange juice

  • In a tumbler, add a shot of vodka
  • Top with orange juice



Rusty Nail

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This too is indeed a very simple cocktail, consisting of only two mandatory ingredients mixing in the glass. Though like a lot of early days cocktails, the exact method of creation is a matter open for discussion rather than a Holy Commandment. The classic method by which this is mixed, is the drier method bias towards the Scotch over the Drambuie. The modern take is a straight fifty-fifty. Some like to make the addition of a dash of Angostura bitters, whether or not you choose to do this is your own decision.
You will need: Scotch, Drambuie, rocks ice

  • In a tumbler, add rocks ice, one and a half shots of Scotch, a half shot of Drambuie
  • Stir until chilled



Boilermaker

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Whether or not, this drink falls into the category of a cocktail, at all, really depends on who is asked. The Boilermaker, put simply, has come to be the generic term for a beer, and a whiskey. Interpreted wildly among individuals. To such an extent, whether or not the two come into contact is a matter of debate. Either as a cocktail, or merely the ordering slang for a beer, and a chaser of whiskey. It even has several names depending on geography, in the Lone Star State it’s called the “Two-Step”, in the City of Brotherly Love the “Citywide Special”, and in the Sunshine State (the American Sunshine State. Florida, not Queensland) the “Git-Right”. The drink, it’s said, came about in the town of Butte in Montana during the eighteen-nineties. And given to miners at the end of their shifts. Yet another name, it was given at that time, was the “Sean O’Farrell”. The broad name it has become to be known by today, originated in England, though their version consisted of a combination of brown bottle ale and a half pint. What ales you would like to chase/mix with what distilled sister drink of which is limited only by your imagination. But the base recipe for the combined whiskey and beer cocktail, as made in the United States reads as follows –
You will need: Budweiser or a similar American lager, Jack Daniels Tennessee whiskey

  • Pour a glass of beer, and pour a shot whiskey on top of it



Mary River Crab Pot

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This is the first of the cocktails I myself have invented. In an effort to make and utilize more Australian-born and proud drinks. You don’t get any points here for guessing where my idea came from for this. I basically just looked at the Boilermaker, took the two most widely-loved drinks in my hometown (a spirit and a beer), and put them together and named them after something patriotic and sunburnt. Since all four of these things, are usually enjoyed in close proximity to one another anyway – The Mary River, the namesake around which my beloved hometown lies, where many of us spend many days fishing for Mud Crabs, Perch and Barramundi. And the two pivoting ingredients, Queensland’s own XXXX Gold lager, and the Wide Bay’s internationally renowned spirit – Bundaberg rum. Hopefully, this drink will come to be known as my tribute to this rural Queensland town, my treasured home.
You will need: XXXX Gold lager, Bundaberg Rum underproof

  • Pour the lager into a schooner glass, and then add a shot of Bundy’ rum



Old Fashioned

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This cocktail, sometimes also referred to as a Bittered Sling, is in fact the premiere cocktail. The earliest known definition of a true cocktail, as dictated by the New York newspaper, The Balance and Columbian Repository in eighteen-oh-six, “a potent concoction of spirits, bitters, water, and sugar”. Though at this point in history, it was being made from rum, gin, and even brandy, and even garnished with nutmeg. Something to think about. Though through history and success, today’s refined version comes to us, a simple cocktail of bourbon, bitters, and water and sugar in varying forms. That being said, you will find many and varied versions of this basic cocktail, this is mine. To create this cocktail, you’ll require bourbon of quality worthy to drink neat, Buffalo Trace, Maker’s Mark, and Bulliet are all perfect choices.
You will need: Neat quality bourbon, Angostura bitters, rocks ice, sugar syrup

  • In a tumbler, add two dashes of sugar syrup and two dashes of bitters. Mix lightly with a teaspoon
  • Add one and a half shots of bourbon and rocks ice. Stir to dilute.



Long Island Iced Tea

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The origin of the Long Island Iced Tea is one for debate, whether it originated during the Prohibition Era in an area called Long Island in the town of Kingsport, Tennessee, or was invented by a barman in Long Island, New York City in nineteen-seventy-two, remains to be said. I heard someone once refer to this as the hardest cocktail. There is nothing hard about the cocktail itself, the only real hard part is bringing yourself to buy all the ingredients for it, there being a lot. But what must be perfectly plain to you now reading this, even if you’ve never heard of this before and have never seen any of the comedy gags pivoting on characters overindulging this drink, is it will put you under the table if you let it.
You will need: Reposado tequila, white rum, triple sec, vodka, gin, lemons or lemon juice, cola

  • In a tall glass with ice, add a half shot of all the spirits listed above, add a shot of lemon juice
  • Top with Coke and mix



Teeling’s Old Fashioned

Follower’s of the blog will know the name Teeling as the prestigious Irish whiskey label. This cocktail is a recipe shared on Teeling Whiskey’s Facebook page around New Year’s Eve twenty-nineteen as a twist on the existing recipe to accommodate their Small Batch bottle, incidentally shared on the Malt Liquor Mitch page. There’s a lot these label-attributed cocktails tailored specifically to their product from labels on their websites and supporting social media pages. Usually I couldn’t be bothered to try them unless I’m well and truly starved for ideas, but in this case on New Year’s Eve I just happened to have all the ingredients for it that day, so I tried it. And can report it was delicious, the bitters complementing the sweetness of the maple syrup and the Teeling, the combination of the three together can be summed up easily as a gingerbread taste. I would have named it the Gingerbread Man.
You will need: Teeling Small Batch Irish whiskey, maple syrup, Angostura bitters, rocks ice

  • In a shaker, add two shots of Teeling, a half shot of maple syrup, and two dashes of bitters
  • Shake with ice
  • Strain into a tumbler glass with plenty of ice



Tolstoy Tang

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This drink during the hot summer months of January is a Godsend. Comprising of little more than ice cold liquid, some of which is alcohol. Hell, you could even have it with crushed ice, like some Siberian margarita if you wanted to be innovative. Through my interest in Russia and the Russian Revolution, I learnt the significance of the name Tolstoy. Leo Tolstoy, was a great and famous writer, a powerful figure in Russia leading up to the revolution, who oversaw many Russian peasants suffering under the rule of the Nicholas II, who used to be the Tsar. Who lashed out violently in attacks and assassination attempts at the ruling class, many of whom were punished to live in exile, a few weren’t as lucky. Although, the Tsar did give some who attempted to assassinate him the chance to be let off, on the condition that they apologise for their actions. They refused, and were executed. Clearly this was before dishonesty was invented, I couldn’t think of any easier way to escape a more serious punishment if I tried. The American author of a favorite book of mine Tent Life in Siberia, George Kennan met a number of these peasants in his travels in Siberia after his first expedition in his second book Siberia and the Exile System and was affected greatly by their degradation and suffering. A hard fought expedition, that in he himself suffered ill-health throughout and undoubtedly shortened his life. A woman of whom held Kennan to promise him to deliver this message to Tolstoy in plea of help. Tolstoy, in turn, summarized that these peasants had by action lead themselves to exile. Whether his hands were tied and was unable to act on their suffering or was unwilling to help them was unclear. Unfortunately I have not read any of Tolstoy’s work as, like I said, I’m halfway through a book already.
You will need: Vodka, either lemons or lemon juice, rocks ice, sugar syrup.

  • In a shaker, add two shots of vodka, a single shot of lemon juice, and a dash of sugar syrup
  • Shake this mixture with ice and strain into a tumbler glass over ice



The Queenslander

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This cocktail is another one you won’t find anywhere else online or in books anywhere else. This one is my own creation, first one I made in fact. After all my learning of famous cocktails, named after places, Manhattan, Long Island Ice Tea, I noticed not one hailed from letalone was named after anything Australian. An idea that since nobody else intended to remedy, I would myself. To paraphrase Blackadder – Everyone has one great cocktail in them, and this is mine. At this point in time I was applying for work at a position advertised with Hog’s Breath Cafe (a chain of greasy-spoons across the country that gave their waitresses amusing nicknames, like Pocket-Rocket and Tin Lizzie, and so on). If hired I was going to share this invention with their franchise, but predictably nothing ever became of this. Even after two applications and a job trial I never heard back about that left me so depressed after the hard-lost attempt I had a drink immediately at a pub nextdoor and once home drank tequila until two A.M. So, thank you for prolonging my unemployment Hog’s, this cocktail could have belonged to you. This cocktail comprises of all Australian ingredients, including Bundaberg rum. Summarizing Queensland’s love for Bundy’ rum and tropical fruit.
You will need: Bundaberg rum, banana liqueur, sugar syrup, rocks ice

  • In a cocktail shaker add two shots of Bundy’ rum, a shot of banana liqueur, and a half shot of sugar syrup
  • Shake with ice
  • Strain into a cocktail glass



The Weekend Warrior

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This one, is another cocktail I myself invented from the combination of two spirits that complement one another. Many cocktails leave the choice of the label of the ingredient up to the whim of the drinker, giving them free reign to the creative process. Specifying say, bourbon or scotch, the label unimportant. There are also too those, whose taste rely on the characteristics of a specified label of whiskey or spirit, this being one of them.
Let me set the scene – It’s a Saturday morning, you have nowhere to be, it’s a free quiet morning at home. It’s about ten or eleven A.M., and you’re still in your pyjamas watching TopGear or The Grand Tour, stuffing your face, so you think the only thing that could cap off this lazy relaxed morning is a cheeky drink. Sure, an Irish whiskey or a nice cold beer would do easily. But what about something to go with your yummy breakfast, say a French toast, pancakes or Canadian glazed bacon. A cocktail of Collingwood Toasted Maple finished Canadian whisky and coffee liqueur! (And go easy on them. You may have all the time in the world, but these suckers are strong)
You will need: Collingwood Canadian whisky, a coffee liqueur, sugar syrup

  • In a cocktail mixer add one and a half shots of whisky, one of coffee liqueur, and one shot of sugar syrup
  • Shake with ice
  • Strain into a cocktail glass



Whiskey and Dry

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This is a very easy, very agreeable cocktail I’ve recommended to and made for others on many occasions. In one form or another it’s widely popular in pubs and in liquor stores, as it comes premixed with Canadian Club and Jameson, also known as the Irish Buck. Though I’ve used this cocktail on many occasions with many varieties and labels of whiskey; bourbon, Irish whiskey, Canadian whiskey. The beauty of this recipe as opposed to premixed is the ability to utilise fresh lime juice. Even fresh ginger ale, if you’re the resourceful sort. I say ginger ale, you could foreseeably use ginger beer for this drink, but between you, me, and it, I think this drink is potent enough as it is. Going down as easily as it does.
You will need: Whiskey, limes or lime juice, and dry ginger ale

  • If you are juicing limes, take care to strain out pulp and seeds. Add equal measurements of your whiskey of choice to your lime juice
  • Add juice and whiskey to a shaker
  • Shake (with ice)
    • If you are making several, at this point you should remove the ice from the shaker or transfer to a jug to pour as need be to eliminate dilution
  • Strain the mixture into a shot measurement
  • Pour into a tall glass and top with dry ginger ale



Whiskey Sour

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This cocktail is another American classic that utilizes American whiskey. This also answers to the name of the Boston Sour or, should you serve this with a half shot of dry red floated atop it, the New York Sour. Like many classic cocktails, the true roots of its history are steeped in legend and folklore, the earliest known mention of a Whiskey Sour dates back to a Wisconsin newspaper article in eighteen-seventy. I’m not one for cocktails, per-se, but this is my personal favorite. This cocktail is also fairly easier, apart from the addition of egg white that makes it somewhat tricky if you don’t know what you’re doing. As for what label of whiskey you choose, people have used all manner of whiskey from bourbon to Tennessee and everything in between, I’ve even heard of some thinking outside the box and using Scotch. I use and recommend Southern Comfort, a whiskey that brings out the sweet tart flavor of the Whiskey Sour so well you’d think it were made for it.
You will need: Whiskey, lemons or lemon juice, sugar syrup, ice, an egg

  • Extract the egg white from the egg and add to a cocktail shaker
  • Add two shots of whiskey, a single shot of lemon juice, and a half shot of sugar syrup. Shake with ice until egg white is white and foamy
  • Strain into a coupe glass or tumbler



Hot Toddy

This, “cocktail” if you like, is said to be a lifter of spirits for those ailed by the common cold. I’ve never actually met anyone in the real world who, when down with a cold, first thought is to make themselves a specific drink. You too, may think that this ideology of a cocktail for a day off sick, goes hand in hand with hijinks like ringing your supervisor to tell them you’re down with the flu…from the boat ramp, or the archery club, or during the rut when the stags are all randy and carefree. This too, was my first thought. But no. The Hot Toddy, or the Hot Whiskey as it’s called by the Irish and the Scots, is indeed a concoction of aromatics and herbs, spices and spirits, almost a tea-like creation all tied together with boiling water to lift your spirits and clear your sinuses and your chest, or simply to ward off the effects of cold climate. The recipe for this concoction vary wildly among individuals, the base idea of it being; boiling water to clear sinuses, usually honey, whatever herbs, spices or something nice-smelling you dig out from the pantry, tea sometimes, lemon juice is another that’s tossed around, cinnamon sugar, star anise is common, orange peel is another, sprigs of clove, maple syrup would not be any leap of imagination. All sorts of ingredients together in a teapot, that eventually would include some sort of oaked hard liquor, typically bourbon, Scotch or brandy. At this point you’re probably just thinking some poor flu-stricken man in some rustic cottage somewhere in the Cotswolds is simply raiding the cupboard and upending everything into a teapot, tossing a splash of Scotch in for the hell of it, pouring out the kettle and drinking whatever the end result may be. And you wouldn’t be a million miles wrong. The great Jamie Oliver himself, summarised this drink as “This is something that makes you feel like you’ve had a little pick-me-up. A little hug, a little kiss. It’s a principle, not a recipe”. I’m not actually going to bother writing my own version of this drink, as there are already millions of different versions of the Hot Toddy out there on the internet, all with different ideas and views on it. Some Anglo, some American. Or you’ll view a few and adapt your own version from ideas that tickle your fancy.




Classic Margarita

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The respective Margarita is probably one of, if not the most widely loved cocktail in the world. I can think of only one other cocktail that got it’s own song. Basically every modern American T.V. comedy or movie I’ve ever watched has at some point has mentioned margaritas. The entire ideology of these potent cocktails being enjoyed in the tropical settings or on holidays have to have originated from the early days during the Prohibition, when Americans would travel south across the Mexican border to buy alcohol. Margarita, originating directly from the Spanish word for daisy, the Brandy Daisy another cocktail made from brandy and lemon juice. Tequila, proving itself since the days of the Spanish colonisation to be Mexico’s answer to brandy. Like the famous cocktails, there’s plenty of urban legend surrounding it regarding it’s creation. Among the earliest allegations of it’s birth comes from the hotel Rancho La Gloria in nineteen-thirty-eight. The base recipe consists of lime juice, sugar syrup, tequila, triple sec, and add crushed ice. That is of course, if you choose to add these, there’s a lot of optional extras being accounted for here. Some choose to ratio the lime juice higher than the triple sec, some add equal parts, some leave it entirely. Sugar syrup is added by some too to sweeten a Margarita to prevent it becoming too sour
You will need: Blanco tequila, triple sec, ice, limes or lime juice

  • When you have your lime juice, packaged or squeezed, depending on how big a batch you want to make. For a litre batch (Following a recipe of one and a half shots of tequila, a shot of lime, a half shot of triple sec, and a half shot of sugar syrup) I use three hundred milliliters of lime juice. So in total, that’s four hundred fifty milliliters of tequila, three hundred milliliters of lime, and one hundred and fifty of triple sec and sugar syrup, both.
  • Traditionally, these ingredients are mixed with the ice intended for the drink in the blender. I don’t do this, since the ice is not so much crushed as it is immediately dissolved by the flushing of the room temperature fluid around it. Take your ingredients and add them into a blender, without ice. If you’re making a smaller batch and don’t have a blender handy, a Ball mason jar shaken works just as well
  • Fill a Lewis bag with ice and crush until the ice is fine
  • Rim a coupette glass with salt
  • Fill the coupette glass with the crushed ice and pour the Margarita



Mango Margarita

This is a recipe that, as a Queenslander, I am in a privileged position to make. Since Queensland too, has a big market of tropical fruit almost as good as the Carribean. Especially in the summer, when grocery shops, fruit markets, and farmers have things like mangos coming out of their ears. For this, you will need a blender.

You will need: Mangos, tequila, triple sec, ice, salt

  • Peel the mango and remove the flesh and add to a blender, purée
  • (Optional) Rim the coupette glass with salt
  • Fill a Lewis bag with ice and crush until the ice is fine
  • In the glass first add a shot and a half of tequila, a shot of triple sec, spoon in the mango purée, ice, mix and serve with a straw
(No photo for this one, since at the time of this article’s posting mangoes were out of season)



Watermelon Margarita

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Like a lot of other fruits, the watermelon comes into it’s own during the hot summer months. Especially the watermelon, serving as a welcomed extra source of hydration. Something the supermarkets and fruit industry haven’t let escape them. In case you haven’t already figured it out by this point, if it’s a summer fruit and you can either purée or juice, and add tequila to it, there’s a good chance there’s already someone somewhere whose made an adaptation of a Margarita out of it. Like the mango margarita, this does require a blender.
You will need: Watermelon, tequila, triple sec, ice, salt

  • Ball or slice the melon into a blender and juice. Some recipes advise straining, you can choose whether or not this step is at all necessary. The argument could be made that pulp in fruit juice is a sign of authenticity akin to sediment in fine wine
  • (Optional) Rim the coupette glass with salt
  • Fill a Lewis bag with ice and crush until the ice is fine
  • In the glass first add a shot and a half of tequila, a shot of triple sec, top with watermelon, add ice and serve with a straw



Churchill’s Breakfast

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This is one of the more ingredient-intensive cocktails, and although the preparation, assuming you have a torch or some butane-based flame, is easy, acquiring the ingredients of cold-brew coffee and cinnamon is tricky. While rye whiskey, and maple syrup were easy to get a hold of, cinnamon sticks and cold-brew coffee on the other hand, was very hard indeed to find. I couldn’t find a roll of cinnamon anyway in my grocery shops, I eventually found some in the sort of aroma section of a discount shop, next to things like vanilla candles and pot pourri, so I never actually established what I bought was food-grade. And the only place I could find cold-brew coffee was my local barista in Station Square, whom was always sold out when I arrived to get some. But eventually I managed to be there on a morning when they still had some left. But I now know it’s easy to make it myself, I only didn’t begin there because my local barista used some large steampunk-style monstrosity to create it and therefore thought it couldn’t be as simple as leaving coffee grounds in a mason jar full of tap water in the fridge for a day or two. Turned out it was just that simple. Nice to know exactly what coffee, not whatever random beans is in your cold-brew.
Winston Churchill, the man that, along with the thirty-second president of the United States, Franklin Roosevelt, and the Soviet dictator Joseph Stalin, defeated Adolf Hitler, was a man known to be partial to a tipple. A little too so, in fact. A famous anecdote of his was “A woman once said to me ‘Churchill sir, you are drunk!’ to which I replied ‘I am drunk today madam, but tomorrow I shall sober. And you shall still be ugly’”. But given what he accomplished, and the legacy he left behind, I’d say he got away with it. I first heard about this drink from the YouTuber – Cocktail Chemistry, so all pleases and thank you’s for this cocktail should go to him, I in turn wish to be the first to thank him for making me aware of the existence of this cocktail.
You will need: Rye whiskey, maple syrup, cold-brew coffee, Angostura bitters, cinnamon stick

  • Use a torch to light the cinnamon stick. Let it burn for a few seconds then blow it out. Set it down underneath an inverted coupe glass to smoke the glass
  • In a shaker, add one and a half shots of rye whiskey, a half shot of cold-brew coffee, seven mills of maple syrup (the recipe, in Imperial, asking for a fourth of an ounce. Essentially half of a half shot) and a single dash of bitters
  • Grate some of the cinnamon stick into the smoked glass
  • Shake ingredients with ice
  • Strain into glass



Piña Colada

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For those of you whose interests include getting caught in the rain, the feel of the ocean, the taste of Champagne, making love at midnight in the tomb of a cave, or generally have half a brain. A drink to enjoy, perhaps on a sailboat, in sunglasses wearing a Hawaiian shirt…probably while talking to your wife about life insurance and “how quickly it can be organized over the phone”. Because she’s “worried about what would happen to her and the kids if something happened to you.” Not because she plans to hit you over the head with an oar and abscond to a casino in Melbourne with her younger boyfriend. Be a cliché. This is a very yummy cocktail, it’s only hang up being the recipe calls for labour-intensive ingredients like coconut cream and pineapple juice. Items more easily bought than made. Pineapple juice, while self explanatory, is more difficult to make, than simply halving and squeezing something like an orange or a lemon without a specifically designed fruit juicing machine. And coconut cream, being the minced flesh of the coconut mixed and cooked with milk until it turns into a cream. And the coconut, once halved and harvested of it’s flesh, can be used to drink from. Or at least that was the impression I was given. I tried this once, anybody with enough determination and resources to crack one of those damned things open deserves that freshly made Piña Colada. I tried drinking from the coconut shell too, cartoons have yet again lied to me, it was like trying to drink from a bowl. While the thought of an all freshly made Piña Colada appealed to me, the process to carry through every step of this task and then photograph it was too much for me to do in one day. And in a shared kitchen it would make me unpopular with those with whom also use it. But by making this from scratch with bought ingredients, you do still produce a drink better than one which you would get by simply buying a premade bottle of Piña Colada mix, which are usually so thick and gluggy they cause me stomach upsets. You will need: White rum, ice, coconut cream, pineapple juice, palm sugar

  • Grate two tablespoons of palm sugar, then add to a blender. Along with two hundred and fifty milliliters of white rum, coconut cream, and five hundred milliliters of pineapple juice. A blender is needed here, as nothing else will blend all of these ingredients together sufficiently. Think of it as the ultimate post-workout smoothie
  • Fill a Lewis bag with ice and crush until the ice is fine
    • If you would like to have your glasses rimmed with coconut as pictured above; In a glass rimmer, moisten the foam insert labelled “lime juice” instead with some pineapple juice. Then lay a circle of desiccated coconut in another tray
  • In a cocktail glass, pour in the drink over crushed ice, mix and serve with a straw


That’s all folks, I’ve been writing this one since the beginning of this year and it was the most challenging one I’ve done yet. And my God, I’m glad it’s finally done. I hope you all find this one helpful. Thankyou to everyone who helped make this one possible. And remember to have a drink of water between your drinks, or you’ll feel it in the morning! Stay safe, cheers!

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